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Dating apps in the Big Apple

I’ve been in America some time now and that’s given me time to try a few different dating apps, go on a few dates, and really traverse the rocky road of the New York dating scene.

 

I’ve had mixed luck…

 

Sometimes you get a flattering message or two which is really nice and you think aww maybe dating apps are ok after all:

 

 Dreams

 

Sometimes you get messages that are sort of flattering but not quite right:

 

invite

 

Sometimes you get opportunities to explore but you’re not quite ready to try them just yet:

 

Massage

 

Sometimes it can feel like people see you as just a piece of meat:

 

direct

 

I tried four different apps but none of them were really for me and eventually they all got a bit intense so I took a break.

 

A few weeks later I had to do a bit of work for an exclusive dating app that’s designed specifically for wealthy people and, err, people looking to strike up relationships with wealthy people. People who earn over $200k a year are required to scan a payslip or tax code that is then reviewed and authorised.

 

The owner of the app told me to create a profile so I could experience how the app works.

 

I sat down and made my profile. I filled in the basics and then it asked me to put in how much money I make. My Dad often says I under value myself so I took a minute and thought about what my true value is spiritually, emotionally and professionally. I put $500k.

 

I do not earn $500k but I thought I’d give it a whirl. I expected the developer to push back but to my shock they verified the profile.  I was now officially verified with a profile confirming myself as a man earning half a million dollars a year instead of the very much not half a million dollars I actually earn.

 

 

Now, I would never like to insinuate that the amount a person earns should in any way correlate with how attractive or desirable they seem to the opposite sex. However, statistical analysis of the experiment saw ‘Poor Rick’ get maybe two or three profile views a day and perhaps one message. ‘Half a million dollars Rick’ got upwards of thirty messages a day, he got sent lots of these red rose icons that I previously didn’t even know existed- because I’d never been sent any.

 

Half a million dollars Rick got marriage proposals, flirty winks, swooning messages and some, shall we say, indecent proposals I couldn’t possibly publish.

 

It was dangerously alluring. Half a million Rick was so damn smooth and I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d be like. He was the guy who had absolutely nailed life. He was so confident and suave. I imagined him walking into rooms and just owning them, men and women alike hanging on his every word. He was probably one of those guys that can wink and point at someone at the same time and make it look kind of cool. He would say things like Ciao. He would answer his phone by saying ‘talk to me’ and sticking his index finger in the air to silence those around him. 

 

Half a million dollars Rick had the world at his feet/fingertips.

 

Unfortunately, Poor Rick still had a conscience and he didn’t have it in him to set up dates under false pretences. The app was deleted and the world ridded of half a million dollars Rick forever.

 

While extremely tempting, it would have been morally dubious and no doubt immensely stressful trying to be someone you’re not.  Once a date caught whiff of the lie, it would inevitably lead to their huge disappointment.

 

Poor Rick is able to generate huge disappointment for his dates perfectly well without compromising himself morally, thank you very much.

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