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A dose of brutal Facebook Honesty

What if we all had to be really honest on Facebook? 

I’ve had one of those days where I am continually and inexplicably drawn to Facebook. I don’t know why. I have nothing to update the world with, no reason to be there except to digest the non-stop flow of updates. If today is anything to go by, prolonged exposure to Facebook is not healthy.

I can’t help but wonder why I’ve done it and what I’ve gained from the site.

You never really come off Facebook feeling better do you? Very rarely do you leave the site and think “I’m really glad I looked at Facebook, that was worth it.” You’re just sort of obliged to always keep on checking the site and try to put out the best bits of yourself so people think you’re great and you in turn feel a successful human being.

I wish there was more raw honesty on Facebook. I wish we all had to be completely open about the things we are doing and thinking on it. What if I confessed my thoughts on the wall of each and every person whose profile I have viewed today?


Hi Darren,

Just stopped by your profile. More out of blank intrigue than any real desire to know who you are now and what you’re doing. You were pretty odd mate at school and quite honestly I really didn’t know how you were going to turn out. While your life looks totally unremarkable, you seem to be functioning well overall so good job.


Hi Kelly,

I know we don’t really know each other well because we’re mutual friends of Karen and we’ve only met three times, but I have to say I loved the Tenerife pictures. I know it’s a bit creepy but the red and white striped bikini in particular is an absolute winner. Cracking stuff. I doubt I’ll ever see you again but I won’t forget those pictures in a hurry.


Hi Danny

I see that nowadays you’re not actually a premiership football player, which is weird because you told literally everyone that’s what you’d be, every single day. Oh well, there’s still time, right? And until then, keep your head up and thanks for allowing me to see 17 pictures of your heavily modified car, it looks very fast.


Hi Alice,

We’ve not spoken in years, but I just wanted to stop by and say your photos are really touching. The way you expose your soul with those ‘who am I’ stares while taking pictures of yourself in the mirror, day after day after day. You’re so brave sharing yourself with the world like that.


Hi Nikki

Please accept my commiserations on the recent trouble with your now ex-boyfriend. The break up was a nasty one with little love or discretion shown by the statuses you wrote. Still, call me an old romantic but I don’t think this is the end for you two. Not if we’re going by the four break ups as well as the full blown venomous and ugly outbursts towards your ex you’ve already had this year – and they are just the ones you’ve posted all over Facebook of course. You two will find a way and I for one can’t wait to read about it. 


Hi John,

It looks like you bagged your dream job and everything about your profile suggests you are absolutely acing life. Every time I see an update from you I hate myself that little bit more because I genuinely have nowhere near as cool a life as you. This isn’t a dig because you’re not even arrogant about it, which is annoying because at least then I could say you were a cock and feel better about myself. You’re not a cock. I bet you’ve never made a single wrong decision ever and you make it all look so easy. You’d never sit on Facebook for four hours in your dressing gown.


Hi Laurie,

You little devil! Thank you for the many daily requests you’ve been sending me for the past couple of months. Sorry I couldn’t send you any gold coins, corn or poker chips, I just didn’t have any as I don’t really play these games you see, but that hasn’t stopped you sending more game updates has it you little tyke you!

Between running your farm, collecting jewels, being a chef, building your own medieval city, running a bunch of mobsters, answering music trivia and playing round after round of Texas Hold ‘Em you must be one busy bee! Anyway, I’d say I hope things are good and that you’re well, but of course I’ve been treated to your daily horoscope on my homepage for about three months now and if they are anything to go by you must be doing very well indeed because they seem to be really upbeat.


But of course I’d never really write those things because that would make me a total dickhead and someone who just seems all sarcastic and bitter. That’s just the darker voice that creeps in from time to time and likes to think he’s all witty and clever and above regular culture and social trends. He is allowed to put his oar in from time to time but he’s certainly not allowed publishing rights. That stuff stays in my head, or on here.

Besides, even though I may moan or get a bit disillusioned with the big old book of faces, there I am logging in everyday and absorbing it all. If I was really fed up with the site I could just delete my profile or de-friend all the annoying people, but of course I won’t do that because, well it’s Facebook isn’t it?

Love Rick x

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